at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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