you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
