We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
