i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
