Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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