There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
