We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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