dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I met the friendliest cop last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
