My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
