Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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