Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
