And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
