thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
