Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
