So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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