i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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