I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
