I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
