guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
