i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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