why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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