He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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