in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm passing your future prison.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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