Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
