So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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