found the other keg... it's in the tree
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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