He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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