it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My feet surprised me
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