She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
