I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize