I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
try to milk me bitch
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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