You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
