I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
