you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
