His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
