Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
