New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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