I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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