my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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