Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
