did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
