Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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