Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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