Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
