drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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