Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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