I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm gonna have a badass scar
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
