I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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