but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
