Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
