I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sarcasm needs its own font
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
