Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize