Will you blow on my dice?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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