its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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