did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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