he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
