I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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