I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
