We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
