He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize