Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We smell like vodka and hangover
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