nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
