man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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