Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
