Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
