Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize