Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dick very happy bro
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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