he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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