Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize