Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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