I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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