Pappa wants mamma naked
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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