making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
