I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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