His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
