I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
