Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize