Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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