yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
