Well apparently he's into motor boating.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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