Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
